IRELAND HAS WON the lion’s share of inbound migrants following a meeting of EU leaders in Luxembourg. Irish officials stood fast against EU insistence for equal burden sharing by demanding that Ireland be treated as a special case. Taoiseach Enda Kenny argued that Ireland…
Read MoreTANAISTE JOAN BURTON today officially launched Ireland’s third banking force, The Food Bank. Cutting the red ribbon at the bank’s headquarters in Glasnevin, Dublin, Labour leader Joan Burton claimed that the new bank would offer Irish consumers a credible alternative to…
Read MoreA SPECIAL EDITION of the leap card is set to feature a well-known Irish porn star, Annie Cox. In what is seen as a move to attract more perverts, the National Transport Authority (NTA) will be making the special edition leap cards…
Read MoreLONDON FASHION WEEK got off to a bitchy start today when two Irish Models were removed from the catwalk lineup for being “too thin”. Spokesperson for the Irish girls’ model agency EirFix, Coullah Mindy-Madden, claimed that the move had nothing to do with their…
Read MoreEMBATTLED IRISH FINANCIER, David Drumm, has launched a random lotto picker for people who play the Irish Lottery. The new enterprise is said to be the culmination of Mr Drumm’s entire working career, based on his vast experience of financial services…
Read MoreIN AN ADDRESS to the faithful today in St Peter’s Square, Pope Francis stunned the crowd by stating that much of Catholic doctrine is nonsense. Shocked audiences heard the pontiff (78) question tenets of his own faith in front of a gathering of…
Read MoreA MAN FOUND guilty of murder has been jailed for life. Anthony Gray (33) of Stonetown, County Louth, was jailed today for a minimum of 20 years for the murder of Kitty O’Malley. Judge Owen McSweeney in passing sentence told Gray that he…
Read MoreIRISH WATER HAS denied sending out hundreds of thousands of “begging” letters to households around the country. The letters, reminiscent of well-known Nigerian email scams, arrived through people’s letterboxes this morning. Spokesperson for Irish Water, Elizabeth Arnett, denied that the letters originated from…
Read MoreDUNDALK SCHOOL TEACHER, Maurice O’Hanlon, was stunned when schoolboy Jason McEnuff claimed hackers ate his homework. Jason, who is a pupil at the De La Salle secondary school in Dundalk, made the claim during English class on Friday last. “I was just…
Read MorePOLITICAL CORRECTNESS HAS been officially classified as a mental disability. In her keynote address to the Royal College of Psychiatrists’ International Congress in Birmingham, England, Professor Gayle Robuck-Jones named the newly classified illness as a “Politically Correct Disorder”. Professor Robuck-Jones further defined it as “the…
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