THE IRISH GOVERNMENT admitted today that it does not have a policy in place to tackle a zombie apocalypse. The shocking news comes as hoards of the undead continue to walk the streets of the capital.

“No, I’m not at all surprised. I thought I was on a movie set whilst strolling downtown on my way from the train station. I counted at least twenty of them and not one soldier or even a state trooper to be seen anywhere”, said recent visitor Walter Walker from Talco, Texas.

“We had an outbreak in Muleshoe a couple of years back, but the army dealt with them quickly. Thankfully there was no further contagion. You guys are taking a huge risk. I’ll not be back anytime soon”, he added.

Minister for Finance, Michael Noonan, dismissed the idea outright.

“Ireland does not need, nor want, a plan or a policy for what is clearly a fiction. The risk of an outbreak is grossly over exaggerated,” he said.

Zombies (Homo Coprophagus Somnambulus) are dead human beings who have partially returned to life due to causes unknown. It is understood that their brains, however, retain some motor function, but they are devoid of emotion or personality.  In some cases the reanimated have reflexively preformed routine activities from their past lives.

©Louth Noises News, 2016.