AN IRISH DOCTOR has been struck off in Nigeria for incompetence. An inquiry heard from a nurse who worked with Dr Eamonn Quirke of how she had to snatch a needle from his hands moments before he was about to insert it into…

A CALIFORNIAN TODDLER  was charged on Friday with a federal hate crime for alleged racism. Prosecutors said Stacy Krajaeck, 3, screamed “I hate Muslims” before throwing a milk carton across the breakfast bar at the family home in Las Campanas, Santa…

DUBLIN CITY COUNCIL has set new minimum standards for the size of apartments. Speaking to Louth Noises News, Dublin City Council Chief Executive Owen Keegan said the new standards will go along way towards solving the capital’s accommodation crisis.  “By reducing the minimum…

FROM MIDNIGHT TONIGHT Irish taxis must be fitted with right and left hand indicators. The device, which is already mandatory in other public and private motor vehicles, has been under going trials at several urban centres.  “It’s not fair on our…

THE HEALTH SERVICE Executive has announced details of the long awaited reallocation of management posts. The redistribution announced today will see all existing managers move to new positions within the HSE within the next 6 months. It is understood that…

FORMER LABOUR LEADER Pat Rabbitte has  warned Sinn Féin to back off from misery politics. In a statement today to Louth Noises News, the labour TD said that the people’s misery was already taken. “It’s typical of Sinn Féin to try to…

PROGRAMMING CHIEFS AT TV3 have scrapped plans for an Irish version of Gogglebox. The new programme, based on the highly successful Channel Four series, had been in production for the last 4 months at various locations around the country. It’s not…

IRISH RAIL ARE hoping that its train fleet can match the average speed of trains from 1916 in time for the anniversary of the Rising.  “We’re working hard to meet that target. It would be great 100 years on to be…

THE IRISH GOVERNMENT admitted today that it does not have a policy in place to tackle a zombie apocalypse. The shocking news comes as hoards of the undead continue to walk the streets of the capital. “No, I’m not at all…

LOUTH COUNTY COUNCIL is under fire following the unveiling of its new urban street bins. The new bins have been described as paltry and mean by both environmentalists and locals alike. “The old ones were bad enough, you could hardly fit…

LOUTH NOISES NEWSREADER, Jobs Bridget, needs your help. Despite her BBC ambitions (and a massive €50 a week  increase in her benefits), Jobs Bridget is struggling to pronounce Irish place names correctly. “We’re doing what we can by giving her more…

A NEW CATHOLIC church has been given the go-ahead for Cooley by Louth planning chiefs. The shock move has stunned local Muslims, who have been campaigning to have approval for their first mosque in County Louth. Speaking to Louth Noises News, local Muslim, Thomas…

CAN’T MAKE IT to the Louth County Museum? Not to worry, here’s a sneak preview. Can you reunite these pants with their former owners? Just click on a pair and drag them to their former owners to reunite them. ©Louth Noises…

A SELECTION OF under garments, once in the possession of former US presidents, is to be exhibited in a collection at Louth County Museum. The collection of 72 pairs of assorted ladies knickers are thought to have been donated by the former presidents’…

BANK CHIEFS AT Ireland’s pillar banks are set for windfall payments to offset injuries caused by public odium. It’s understood that morale at senior levels at Ireland’s two main banks is only at 86% of where it was during the boom….