Poll: Who Will You Vote For?
AS THE ELECTION draws nearer, we’re asking you to tell us which one of these will you vote for? Note: Margin of error +/- 0% ©Louth Noises News, 2016.
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New “Miniment” Apartment Sizes Unveiled
DUBLIN CITY COUNCIL has set new minimum standards for the size of apartments. Speaking to Louth Noises News, Dublin City Council Chief Executive Owen Keegan said the new standards will go along way towards solving the capital’s accommodation crisis. “By reducing the minimum…
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Irish Taxis to be Fitted with Indicators
FROM MIDNIGHT TONIGHT Irish taxis must be fitted with right and left hand indicators. The device, which is already mandatory in other public and private motor vehicles, has been under going trials at several urban centres. “It’s not fair on our…
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Tanaiste Joan Burton Adds Levity to a Crisis Situation by Falling Out of a Boat
TANAISTE JOAN BURTON added levity to a crisis situation by falling out of a kayak to a large round of applause at a gathering of the waters in Thomastown Co. Kilkenny. “She was absolutely marvelous to stage this fall for us…
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HSE Announces Management Post Reallocations
THE HEALTH SERVICE Executive has announced details of the long awaited reallocation of management posts. The redistribution announced today will see all existing managers move to new positions within the HSE within the next 6 months. It is understood that…
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Coveney in Push for Padi Fields
MINISTER FOR AGRICULTURE, Food and the Marine Simon Coveney has called on Irish farmers to plant rice instead of other crops to take advantage of the latest floods sweeping Ireland. “This is a great opportunity for the nation’s farmers. We now…
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Caption Competition
AN TAOISEACH ENDA Kenny traveled to the Golan Heights recently to meet with Irish peace keeping troops. But what do you think Enda is saying to his Minister for Agriculture, Natural Resources and the Marine, Simon Coveney? Best entry wins a…
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Plans for Irish Version of Gogglebox Scrapped
PROGRAMMING CHIEFS AT TV3 have scrapped plans for an Irish version of Gogglebox. The new programme, based on the highly successful Channel Four series, had been in production for the last 4 months at various locations around the country. It’s not…
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No Zombie Policy in Place, admits Irish Government
THE IRISH GOVERNMENT admitted today that it does not have a policy in place to tackle a zombie apocalypse. The shocking news comes as hoards of the undead continue to walk the streets of the capital. “No, I’m not at all…
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Pillar Banks to be Compensated for Public Odium
BANK CHIEFS AT Ireland’s pillar banks are set for windfall payments to offset injuries caused by public odium. It’s understood that morale at senior levels at Ireland’s two main banks is only at 86% of where it was during the boom….
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Ireland Wins Big in Migrant Shareout
IRELAND HAS WON the lion’s share of inbound migrants following a meeting of EU leaders in Luxembourg. Irish officials stood fast against EU insistence for equal burden sharing by demanding that Ireland be treated as a special case. Taoiseach Enda Kenny argued that Ireland…
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Gay Byrne Irish Postage Stamp Withdrawn
AN POST THE Irish postal service has withdrawn the new Gay Byrne stamp from publication. It’s understood that the 75 cent stamp, which was to be part of their new “Smug Series” could not accommodate a small enough image of the RTE broadcaster’s head….
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